When explaining polyamory to people who may not have heard of it before or to people who don't understand how it works, I'm afraid it is all too easy to fall into that trap that plagues members of all groups of humans.  That trap involves the logic of "my brand of X is better than your brand of X."  Substitute anything for X--clothing, cars, politics, religions, even types of relationships.  I think it is human nature to think that whatever group you may be in is exceptional over other groups.  So, in explaining what polyamory is and how it works, it is very easy for me to come across as a person who thinks her brand of relationship is better than yours.

This phenomenon is alive and well in poly groups, too.   I see it all the time.  Poly people scoffing at jealous people, putting down the idea of monogamy as being impractical, and for all intents and purposes acting superior.  I've seen monogamists do the same about polyamorists and open relationships, too.

If I ever get like that, please smack me upside my head. It is not my intent to say monogamy is bad or that monogamy is not a viable relationship style or that monogamy stinks.  Those things may be for me, but I respect other people's rights to live their lives in whatever manner suits them.

However, when I go on and on about polyamory in a good way and how monogamy can be so unfulfilling in comparison and talk about all the problems with it, it makes it seem like I am decidedly anti-monogamous and extremely biased. 

Honestly, my goal is not to convert all the masses to polyamory.  Monogamy works for many people.  If people like being monogamous and they want to remain so, I say go to.  Have fun!  Don't let me discourage you.  I respect your right to choose whatever relationship style works for you. 

But I get excited about telling people about polyamory, simple because so many people haven't heard of it.  I hadn't heard of it six plus years ago.  I know that there are people out there for whom monogamy doesn't work. They are unhappy with their lives because they don't know of any other way.  I feel like trying to tell them that there are other ways is being helpful.  I've talked to some people who said that once they realized poly existed, it was like a light bulb went off in their heads!  I want to help poly-oriented people find that light bulb.   And I want to educate monogamous people who find the idea of polyamory horrific, that there really isn't anything horrible about it at all. 

So yeah, I'll likely write more about polyamory.  I'll try really really hard, I promise, not to bash monogamy.  Because I don't think it's bad.  For myself, I just like poly better.

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