Things I Never Want to Hear About Again #1: Kanye West and Taylor Swift
The Internet is abuzz over the 26th annual MTV Video Music Awards which aired on Sunday night. The VMAs are traditionally a sparkly celebration of the year's hottest stars, most fabulous fashion trends, and occasionally, some decent music. (See: Marilyn Manson's 1997 performance of "The Beautiful People.") Of course, as with any activity which involves a swarm of the country's most popular celebrities flitting around on live television, a few blunders are bound to occur. In 2007, we were forced to watch an intoxicated Britney Spears open the VMAs with a half-assed attempt at a comeback as she aimlessly stumbled across the stage and forgot how to lip sync to her single, "Gimme More." Then, in 2008, Demi Moore, looking fabulous as usual, descended onto the stage to present the award for Best Male Video. Without a mic. Oops. And, who could forget the 2009 interruption of Taylor Swift's acceptance speech by the crackbrained Kanye West? Me, that's who. In fact, I have forgotten that moment a number of times. I am the queen of forgetting that moment. But, like a cockroach, that moment refuses to die and somehow weasels its way back into my Google Reader to feed on my patience time and time again. Now, thanks to Kanye's musical apology to T-Swiffle at this year's show, I have the pleasure of writing the first installment in what I hope to be a long-lived segment entitled: "Things I Never Want to Hear About Again."
Look, I have nothing against Kanye West or Taylor Swift as artists. I can appreciate that they each have their target audiences and that they each serve a role in musicdom. Frankly, I don't own an album by either of them and I've only heard their singles in passing so they're both completely equal in my book. Kanye is clearly a deluded egomaniac with some entitlement issues, and Taylor Swift seems a little bland, but other than that, I have nothing against either of them as people. What I do take issue with is the fact that the media continues to shove the rift between them in my face. No one is denying that it was incredibly douchey for Kanye to burst onto the stage in the middle of someone else's moment of glory to profess his love for Beyonce; what I am denying is that I found it even remotely interesting. I don't give a crap about who Taylor Swift wanted to thank. I don't give a crap about why Kanye West has beef with a tiny, adorable blond girl. I don't give a crap about Swift holding a grudge. I especially don't give a crap about Kanye's melodramatic call to "have a toast for the douchebags" because he already publicly apologized for his outburst back in 2009. Like, the day after it happened. And come on, it's not like either of them need that moment to live on in order to stay in the spotlight. They're both incredibly popular and continually top the charts. So what the fuck? What the fuck, I say?
Even still, I understand that mega-fans on both sides of the equation are much more heavily invested in the incident than I am, and I do not begrudge anyone the right to dwell on it as long as they wish. I would, however, like to offer a reminder that celebrity gossip has a shelf life and for me, this story went rancid about fifteen seconds after the fact. This is why I am begging everyone: Please, oh please, refrain from mentioning the Kanye West-Taylor Swift debacle in my presence and on my computer. I would love to permanently excise this information tumor from my mind, and I will continue to do my part by avoiding situations where talk of the incident could come up. It's boring, it's tired, and it's barely notable enough to be used as a factoid for the upcoming Trivial Pursuit: 2000s Edition. Agree with me or disagree with me. It doesn't really matter because I'm putting my foot down on this one. I never want to hear about it again.