Preface (she pt 2)

Middle of the night and a beautiful man lay in my bed and this is how I choose to fill my days? Dear god, At least I should be witty about it, some measly snide remark, some rancorous repartee.
Ah yes. Wit, it is the last barb I have left and with its rose thorns I shall cut my own throat… no, no too poetic. Be brash.
I am fucking pissed! Mad, not sauced. Angry hurt wallowing in the depressing, but not crazy. No crazy would be far more fun. I am angry at the world and for all the world I am angry at all those around me. My best friend whom I love with all my heart and once with all my loins has betrayed me. Killed softly by the hard reality that those I love will not always follow me down a hard road. Even if right, is on one’s side. Shelby should have stood up for me. He should have unequivocally, simply and easily. Jennifer should cease to be… I think I had the rest of that sentence but it just looked so damn good the way it was because that encapsulated my feelings best. Jennifer should cease to be.
I wish this were a simple case of conjecture, a hypothetical on which to gauge my tenuous grasp of my emotion. I wish this were some dark hearted lark. I wish I wished I wished. Wishes are worth less than shit and that doesn’t go for much by the pound. I really hate to begin this way. Perhaps I should start over, be less chevalier about my annoyance with my compatriots. No good comes of such tactics. Should I burst into song and dance? How best to describe the undesirable shadow that is behind my eyes, hanging from my tongue, dripping in my sweat, reaching out through the electronic haze telepathically towards my foes with a solemn bitch-slap. To use the parlance of youth: This Sucks.

No comments: